The Art of Conscious Choice
Part 2 of 6
A Six-Part Exploration
of Emotional Intelligence
In Part 1, we explored the external forces that can pull us away from ourselves. In this article, we turn inward and explore the role of self-awareness, personal values, and emotional intelligence in helping us stay aligned with who we truly are.
If you missed it, read Part 1: Following the Crowd or Finding Your North Star? Emotional Intelligence in a Fast-Paced World.
Key Takeaway
From Driftwood to Direction
In Part 1, we recognized the Speed Trap and the Divide Effect, the outside forces that make us feel lost and out of sync. To stop being moved by every external wave, we must build an unshakeable inner stability.
This stability begins with the deepest part of Emotional Intelligence: Self-Awareness.
We often think of Self-Awareness simply as knowing our feelings (“I am angry,” or “I feel stressed”). But true Self-Awareness goes much deeper. It is about understanding the source of your emotional energy. It’s the difference between feeling your ship is rocking and knowing exactly what caused the damage and where you need to steer to fix it.
True Self-Awareness is how you find your North Star, the fixed point of your identity.
Your Values Are Not Your Feelings
Your North Star is made up of your Core Values. These are the fundamental beliefs that dictate what is right and wrong for you.
- Feelings are fast, temporary, and change with the weather (e.g., you feel happy one minute, stressed the next).
- Values are slow, permanent, and only shift over decades (e.g., Integrity, Kindness, Growth, Peace).
Self-alignment is simply making sure your daily actions and words match your deepest values. When they match, you feel whole and steady. When they don’t, you feel anxious, guilty, or restless; that is your internal compass telling you that you are off course.
The Flavour of Discovery: How to Map Your Core
How do you uncover these fixed points that the world has covered up with noise? You don’t start by making a list; you start by noticing the powerful signals your life is already sending you.
Think about two specific moments that acted like a flare of pure truth:
1. Moments of True Joy:
Recall a time when you felt completely fulfilled and alive. What were you doing? Were you connecting? Creating? Learning? The underlying value that was being expressed in that moment of joy is a part of your North Star.
2. Moments of Pure Outrage:
Recall a time when you saw something unfair or dishonest that filled you with true anger. What was violated? Was it justice? Was it respect? The value that was being crossed in that moment is a principle you live by.
By looking closely at these moments of intensity, both good and bad, you can begin to map the geography of your truest self. This mapping is how you switch your focus from the external speed to your internal purpose.
The Hidden Engine: Values as Fuel
Your North Star doesn’t just keep you steady; it actually powers your life. When you know your values, your motivation stops relying on outside rewards, praise, or fear. Instead, you tap into an internal, endless source of fuel. This allows you to set goals that truly matter to you and keep working toward them, even when the rest of the world tells you to quit or change direction. This pure, aligned drive is what separates a true purpose-driven life from one chasing trends.
Developing deeper self-awareness often requires intentional reflection, feedback, and support.
Learn more about Leadership & Emotional Intelligence Coaching →
The Power of Your Unfenced Self
When you know your core values, the world’s divisive pressure loses its power. Your North Star gives you the strength to stand free.
Your identity becomes unfenced. This means you cannot be easily contained, categorized, or manipulated by forces like media trends or political demands.
- If your North Star is Curiosity, you are free to learn from all sides without having to fully commit to one opinion.
- If your North Star is Inner Peace, you will automatically filter out the high-speed chaos that threatens it.
Your identity becomes defined by your compass, not by the crowd. This is the essence of true personal control.
A Question to Reflect On
Let this question sit with you as we close this part:
What one thing are you currently most proud of that didn't require outside approval or an audience to achieve?
— Narissa Kohut
Looking for Greater Clarity and Alignment?
Frequently Asked Questions
What are core values?
How does self-awareness improve leadership?
What is the connection between values and emotional intelligence?
Why do people feel disconnected from themselves?
The art of conscious choice
Continuing Exploring the Series
Previous • Part 1
In a world driven by speed, social media, and constant noise, emotional intelligence can help you reconnect with your values, strengthen self-awareness, and navigate life with greater clarity and intention.
You Don't Have To Navigate It Alone
If you’re ready to strengthen your emotional intelligence and create meaningful, lasting change, I’d love to support you.
